YOUR INTELLIGENCE DEFIES LOGIC. Touché. Was that rude? I mean was that RUDE ENOUGH? No? Let me try again….

It is a common misconception that everyone can be sarcastic. I object. I didn’t want to use the phrase ‘Beg to differ’ for a couple of reasons. First, I won’t ‘beg’ for a chance to make a point. If I have something to say, I will say it right out. Secondly, it displays such fake modesty. ‘Beg to differ’. So, you can be all humble and sophisticated and say stuff like “I beg to differ, but you are just plain brain dead and ugly” to someone who thinks that she / he should be walking the ramp and has intelligence that surpasses genius? Yeah, if you are sarcastic like I am now….perhaps you may….

So, going back to where I left off, it is a common misconception that everyone can be sarcastic. But then, nonsensical stuff is always commonly known and often is a stupid misconception. Really now, can everyone say something in such a way that the victim is rendered speechless or doesn’t even know what hit him? It is a rare art, mastered by a few and ‘practiced’ by many fools.

Why do I love sarcasm? Simply because I derive a sadistic pleasure from it. It satisfies me immensely to know that I have shut the opposite person’s filthy mouth up. (Hopefully, for a few years). That what I said has made the victim stutter to say something remotely fitting for the generous insults I have bestowed on him. To know that the truth has been conveyed with such little effort and so much impact. Sarcasm. It’s my favourite tool.

Little wonder then that my boyfriend is ten times more sarcastic than I am. He is so sarcastic that he looks like what sarcasm would look like if it had a face. Very few actually look like what they feel in general. Very few. It’s called the ‘default feeling’. You better not ask these species, “So how are you?” at a wrong time. They will say something so vicious, and in such a normal tone, that you might scrunch up your pitiable face and start crying. At such times, your insides have melted and crying is the only thing that you can do. Literally.

It’s not like sarcastic people are eternally pissed off with the world and everything in it. No. That again is rubbish. COMMON MISCONCEPTION. They have so many things to look forward to, and most have what you would call ‘the good life’. Happy as a carefree bird and satisfied with the way their lives are shaping up. It is just that they are surrounded with morons. Wannabes. Impersonators. People are so driven away from reality (out of their own personal choice) that it makes us cringe, scream our lungs out in frustration and then take each moron and fry them up, limb by limb. But then, why all the mindless effort directed at something so insignificant? Talking is so much easier.

What is even funnier (and very pissing off at times) is that most of the victims JUST DON’T GET IT. They sometimes even LAUGH, thinking that you cracked a very hilarious joke. And then, they will break out into some absolutely irritating and fake, hyena-like howling / laughing. And it gets you thinking, “Oh cool, he is laughing at his own expense”. Or they will just stare at you dumbly. No reaction. Snap your fingers. They won’t even blink. Sometimes it makes you wonder, why even bother?

Sarcastic people are brutally honest. That is why people avoid such ‘sarcastic species’. They think that they are downright rude. Which at one point, may be true. But the fact remains, that no one is strong enough to deal with the truth. That is reason for the apathetic state that the world lives in today. Everyone is trying to ‘get away from it all’. Which is good enough, as long as they survive. What happens when it finally comes to you? That’s when the shit hits the fan. And then, it is too late, to, you know, switch off the fan or pray for an electricity cut.

I have observed that many GENUINELY sarcastic people, more often than not, are atheists, or else, their belief in the ‘HIGHER POWER’ is standing on shaky grounds.

Is there a connection? Maybe. God wouldn’t like it if we keep telling everyone ‘the truth’, now would he? There is a reason why Jesus Christ was crucified. He told the truth. And he also was sarcastic. One of the best. He told the truth like it is. But with such subtlety that I can’t help but admire his wit. He made the Romans think. They never had before. And they couldn’t handle it. He may be a fictional character for all I care, but fiction or not, he was sarcastic, to say the least. And that is all that matters to me.

There just might be a connection between being sarcastic and being atheist; perhaps, we can’t seem to apply any logic to the existence of God. Or of a higher power. Why will someone waste all their time ‘up there’ and monitor all the nonsense going on ‘down here’? They might as well be a part of it and enjoy it rather than sit on their ass the whole time, just looking at millions of morons go from one crappy day to the next.

What a waste. Or better still, why not explore the universe? Here is man, trying to conquer the skies, inventing all sorts of devices to enable a deeper study of the Milky Way and other such wonderful things. And wasting precious money and time. And there THEY are, with the entire universe at their disposal. How about taking a tour? Or better still, play with the planets. Like Calvin did when he was solving mathematical problems. (Calvin would have been a great God). No, THEY will just sit and watch. Like freaks.

Moreover, humans live their lives governed by principles that have been brought into existence with due support from the ‘Almighty’. Ya okay. So I will live my life based on what THEY think. And I don’t even get a choice. And no, free will is not free will if there are consistent subtle hints and nudges of ‘doing the right thing’. Suppose I want to bomb my office. But I can’t do it because ‘It is not the right to do’. So what happened to free will now? Anyway, most of the rules are made by humans. Religion / religious books are very much like those ‘How to do this and How to do that’ books, which are full of the opinions of someone who has nothing constructive to do with his time. And these opinions are influencing your life. Religion. People pray for it, fight for it and kill for it. I innocently wonder now why do most of the murders in the world take place in the name of religion. God is as real as Santa is.

Sarcastic people therefore shun religion, for it is full of loopholes. There doesn’t seem to be any good coming out of it. Whether or not we follow a religion, our lives would have been the same. In addition to this, you can’t be mean and sarcky and claim that you love God and all his people. Hypocrisy and sarcasm don’t go well together.

Sarcastic people also have to hear many snide remarks. But a sarcastic person is only truly insulted if the opposite person’s remark is snider than his. Not because they had to listen to an insult. That is not bad at all. They don’t give a rat’s ass about such things. What is unnerving is that they have to tolerate a person who is damn frustrating to be with, but has a sarcasm meter that crosses all boundaries. It’s like meeting your competitor. You hate his guts only because he is so damn good. But if you are sarcastic, you have learnt to laugh and pass comments on yourself too. A guy who is more sarcky than you are has said something viciously sharp to you. You can snap back by saying, “You can insult me better than I can insult myself!” Yeah. A sarcastic person sees opportunity in everything. Irrespective of whom the joke is upon.

All said and done, sarcasm is the best tool you could ever have. It delivers all the time. It can never fail, provided you don’t get brain damaged or something. Sarcastic people thrive on the stupidity of the people around them. As long as stupidity exists in the world, sarcasm will flourish. And the world is full of stupid people. One in three persons is stupid and doesn’t even have a clue about it. It’s true. You didn’t have a clue about this until know, did you? See what I mean?