tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303191954150494912024-03-13T03:13:05.774-07:00Randomness magnifiedThis blog is an authentic display of how my mind works. And how I think.Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-5605490176690644992012-04-14T05:30:00.003-07:002012-04-14T05:36:25.498-07:00Lessons of your so-called Life!<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">No matter what you do, these will ALWAYS happen:<br /></span><ol><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">You will get up on time and still be late for work.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">You will miss important calls, but you will never miss hearing the alarm on your phone. NEVER.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Your house will somehow always have a mess somewhere, and one day you will just stop caring, even if you have OCD.<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Your cook will cook, but you will still eat outside.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">On the odd day you go to work early, fate will conspire to ensure that it will be a complete waste.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">You will end up looking like a stressed out person, no matter how much you spend at a spa.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">That haircut will look good only on the initial 2 days, or until you decide to wash your hair.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Groceries will always finish at the exact time when you have no time, or no money to get a refill.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Electricity will be cut just when you have settled down.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Your dog will pee even after he has just peed.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">You will need that glass of water just when you have turned in. </span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Or you will remember to do something, just when you have just tucked yourself in.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">The remote will always disappear when you need it the most, even though you remember keeping it RIGHT in front of you.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">And, you will forget where you kept that one thing when you need it the most.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Some people will continue to annoy you no matter what you do, and you will continue to adore them, no matter how annoying they get.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Your diet will always be interrupted by a generous amount of chocolate.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Your PC will restart itself even when it promised to do so after ‘2 hours’.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Every time you will need something immediately, it will be a million miles away from you.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">You will crib about having no work-life balance, and do nothing about it, but still manage to survive.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">And maybe, the above may never happen, but no matter what you do, there'll always be that one rickshaw guy.</span></li></ol><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-57122073700776209762011-10-11T02:44:00.000-07:002011-10-11T02:50:26.543-07:00Ten types of people I want to throw paper clips at. And I love paper clips.<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">1. Girls who hang their <span style="font-style: italic;">chaddis </span>and round things on their windows. Lajawanti Lingerie Collection . 20% off. Kindly ignore the crow using hanging round things for ‘shady’ purposes.<br /><br />2. <span style="font-style: italic;">Khatmal </span>(bed bugs) bikers riding on the pavement. They will <span style="font-style: italic;">ghusao </span>their vehicles <span style="font-weight: bold;">ANYWHERE </span>they can, at every chance they get.<br /><br />3. Slow staff members at checkout counters <span style="font-weight: bold;">EVERYWHERE</span>. The only thing slower than these people is a snail walking on glue.<br /><br />4. Vehicle Owning Mental People who will not drive in the left lane, will not drive in the right lane and will not be in the centre also. WHAT THE PHOCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?<br /><br />5. People who change their Facebook Profile Display Picture <span style="font-weight: bold;">EVERYDAY</span>. What no <span style="font-style: italic;">kaamdhandha </span>you got or what?<br /><br />6. Hypocrite <span style="font-style: italic;">bandariyaas</span>. Yes, I am referring to the girl who says she hates a ‘friend’ more than she hates dandruff, then she goes and compliments hated friend on her new haircut. <span style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT IS THAT?</span> (Men are not like that. The men who are like that, are <span style="font-weight: bold;">bandariyaas</span>)<br /><br />7. People who go touring and then pose in front of every landscape and monument and other awesome buildings/statues. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Just. Stop. Ruining. The. Picture. </span><br /><br />8. People who walk with their tiny children on the vehicle side of a road. And also people who sit in the front seat of a car, with a child in their lap. When you were busy in the act of reproduction, did you get brainwashed or something?<br /><br />9. People who think pets are accessories – ‘something to decorate our doorstep’. Your kind disgusts me more than the sight of loose motions floating in the potty<br /><br />10. People who are rude for no reason because they think it's cool. It’s not. It just means that you are constantly constipated and are venting out the frustration through your mouths.<br /><br />Now give my paper clips back.<br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-23637027230094776522011-09-26T10:10:00.000-07:002011-09-27T02:20:41.972-07:00Love Letter to Bangalore Rickshaw Man<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >Dear Bangalore Rickshaw Man,</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="text-align: justify; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">I will get straight into the point. </span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;">I have been living in Bangalore for barely a year and a half. Enough material to write a love letter to you. </div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Every time I ask you to go somewhere, you say <b>NO </b>to me. <b>Every time</b>. I wait so much for you to make my day with your beautiful appearance. Then also why do you hate me so much? I thought first that you hated me because I do not know Kannada/Malyalam/Tamil/Telugu and that my Hindi is worse than your Hindi. But even after I joined classes for ‘How to speak Hindi like a True Blooded South Indian’, you still ignore me? Why?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >And when you do decide to come, after much coaxing and endless waiting in sun, rain and other kinds of unpredictable Bangalore weather, you tell me that you will not charge me as per the meter. Why? Why must you torture me like this with all your <i>nakhras</i>? My father did not put that meter in your rickshaw no? If he did, I would tell him to remove it and use it to scratch your back. But the Government put that meter in your rickshaw, so you must show respect and use it no? If you don’t like Indian Government, then why do you remove all your hate on me? I sit nicely and listen to your South Indian music. Then also you will not charge me with the meter. If you won’t scratch your own back with the meter you do not use, at least scratch mine. That also you won’t do. After all the love I shower on you, this is what I get.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">And to top it all, why you rob your own beloved of so much money? If the fare is 17 rupees, you will not return 3 rupees if I give you 20 rupees. What is that? I own one bike, but my husband works very hard so he cannot get up in the morning to drop me to class. So in pity I come to you, you silly rickshaw man. That way morning morning, I get to see your lovely face also. But how you repay me? You charge me insane amounts of money to take me from home to my guitar class and back! And both times, you charge different. When I am going to the class you take 50 rupees. When I am coming home you take 70 rupees. What is this double timing you are doing with me? My father’s fault or what, that the roads are bad? My father doesn't own anything but one tiny house in Malad in Bombay. If he owned the road, then both of us would go cavorting in Bangalore Volvo AC bus to airport and back no? But he doesn't own the road with so many holes. Then why you take out all road anger on me and make me pay so much?</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >And if it rains, instead of getting all romantic and Tollywood song-singing-types, you unleash <b>‘Rate Card from Hell’</b> on me. For 1km travel, you will charge me 40 rupees. And if I am carrying one onion in my hand, you will charge me 60 rupees. Why you hate onions and rain so much? I was going to make <i>kanda bhajiyas </i>for you and make some tea by collecting water from the leaking roof of your rickshaw. So much I love your rickshaw and its nature-friendly ways. And yet, you want to make me poorer? And what happens to you in the night time? The </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >bhootiya <span style="font-style: italic;">(bhoot + ch**iya)</span> enters your body or what? Why y</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >ou charge me some three times the original fare? Night time people get all romantic and all you can think of is money? Why silly man why?</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >Now after all this also, I still persist to show you how much love I have for you. After you have vehemently refused to acknowledge my shadow also, you rudely tell me hop in. I hop in, you go 3kms, then stop in the middle of nowhere and tell me to get down and walk the rest of the 10kms. What is this new <i>nautanki </i>you have started? If you want to leave me, just say so, I will go okay. But don’t tell me to leave after I am all comfortable and about to sleep to the sweet hum of the roaring South Indian music. And if you think that this is your way of telling me to exercise because I am fat, then I am seriously very hurt. After all I lost so much weight just trying to stop you. If you had so much as looked in my direction, you would have seen how much weight I had lost. And looking in rear-view mirror that shows amazing angles of my chest does not count. Thankfully, I have not lost any weight there ok. That much you know very well na, you silly rickshaw man.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >But you won’t leave me, you will roam around me and ignore me like I am a dirty big fart from an elephant. And you bring your friends also to join you in this ignoring parade. Why you make fun of me, I do not get. And yet, I do not disown you, even though I know that any ride in the lap of luxury that is your rickshaw could be the last day of my life. I risk life, limb and guitar every time I hitch a ride with you. The loving curves that your vehicle take has drastically changed the positioning of my internal organs. My childhood dream of reaching out to moving buses from a moving rickshaw is realised every single time, sometimes so closely that someone from the window of the bus can reach out and spit some conditioner onto my head if they are inclined to.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="text-align: justify; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">So much I suffer for your love. One ride is too much to ask perhaps, so one look also will do. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:130%;" >But at least, oh silly rickshaw man, show me <i>some </i>lovin’.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div><div style="text-align: justify; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Yours truly,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Disgruntled Loveless Passenger</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-18995700239528520952011-09-14T06:05:00.000-07:002012-07-03T10:33:58.010-07:00Dear People Who Hate Cities and Communities and Countries<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><i>This 'open letter' is a response to all those who hate people because they belong to a certain city or community or whatever.</i><br /><br />You are not being cool when you start writing hate write-ups and posts about North Indians or South Indians or East Indians or West Indians or whoever. Whoever you hate, keep the hate to yourself. We do not want another Raj Thackeray in the making.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><br />And if you cannot keep the hate to yourself, kindly leave this planet , and get the phock out of our businesses and Twitters and Facebooks, and reside on some other universe. You can go there and start hating Indians for all I care but at least you are not doing it here, on Indian soil, spreading hate around by being such a dork at generalising, thus starting fights among communities.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;">And understand this: You do bad things because you are a bad human being. That’s about it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;">If you cannot comprehend this simple logic, then please do not marry and procreate because we do not need more of your kind on this planet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;">Good luck to you. Not.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;">Sincerely,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: trebuchet ms;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 130%;">Fellow Human Being</span></div>
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-30544764966661438262011-09-05T05:11:00.000-07:002011-11-08T07:24:32.459-08:00Six reasons why Ajmal Kasab is still alive.<div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">So much has happened </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">in our country </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">since November 26, 2008. Some good things, like India winning the World Cup and the Lokpal Bill getting a go-ahead.<br /><br /></span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">And some bad things, like Ajmal Kasab being all alive and kicking, enjoying regular bouts of chicken biryani in jail. </span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Biryani that <i><b>we </b></i>paid for. Eaten by a terrorist who attacked <i><b>us</b></i>.</span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Now I feel truly sorry for all the media-persons who risked life and limb to get a good video or photograph of the criminals who went on an unleash-maximum-terror rampage in the city of Bombay. The police officials and army personnel did a commendable job of killing the terrorists and also managed to capture one alive, some of them having died in the process. One would have thought that these photos/videos would serve as incriminating evidence against that gun yielding coward. </span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br />Alas, it was not meant to be so.</span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><br />Three years later, he is still alive.</span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">It took our Government roughly two years to sort out the court cases, to ‘prove beyond any reasonable doubt’ that yes indeed, Ajmal Kasab is nothing but a cold-blooded murderer and should be punished for his crimes. Now even after the Supreme Court has ‘okayed’ the execution of Ajmal Kasab, pray, why is he still alive?</span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">This is not a lovelorn man, pelting stones at the window of a now-married-to-another-man-girlfriend. This is a vicious and twisted murderer, who came in like the breeze, went berserk with his rifle, and shot anyone who came in the line of fire. He and his troop arrived with a pure intent to kill and destroy. Meticulous effort has been invested in him and his team to churn out the results that they did. Their bosses had been planning this for months, and may have also hosted ‘triumphant parties’ when they saw the aftermath of their doings.</span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">So am wondering, what possible logic could explain why Ajmal Kasab is still thriving, and thriving well at that?</span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Here’s what I think could be some of the reasons:</span><br /></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><ul><li>If Ajmal’s security bills cost the nation <a style="COLOR: rgb(51,51,255)" href="http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/maharashtra-says-no-to-itbp-s-rs-10-cr-bill-for-kasab-s-security-107882" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">10 crore rupees</span></a> <i>(yes, go ahead and pick your jaw from the floor)</i>, imagine the gargantuan amount of monies the Government has to shell out to hang him <i>(shudder)</i>. So the Government has decided to leave him be.<br /><br /></li><li>If we keep him alive, his terrorist brethren may attempt to rescue him, and maybe <i>(just may...be)</i> we can nab the other terrorists and lock them up as well<br /><br /></li><li>We want to send out a direct message to terrorists that if you turn yourselves in, you will get better food <i>(“The chicken biryani is awesome guys, trust me”, Kasab was quoted as saying)</i>, triple the security and possibly get an Internet connection too, so that you can update your Facebook regularly. Show your bosses how we do it here baybee!<br /><br /></li><li>Maybe the parliament is planning to rope in Kasab as its brand ambassador. He has one of the most recognised names in our country; hence it is obvious that wherever he goes, the media will follow. And publicity will filter in rapidly. After all, any publicity is good publicity. In addition, he could be employed as a peacemaker. Imagine this; instead of throwing shoes and chairs at each other; they could employ Kasab who would throw bombs at everyone. Arguments would get settled faster this way.<br /><br /></li><li>Our Government has a heart that is overflowing with the milk of human kindness. It doesn’t do anything that would even remotely contradict the peace and calm of the well-balanced society that we live in. Moreover, it wants to set an example to the likes of USA and Russia that violence begets violence. <i>(Please do ignore the July 14 2011 blasts. And while you’re at it, do blatantly ignore the daily blasts in Kashmir as well)<br /><br /></i></li><li>Entertainment Purposes of Indian Audience for Make Benefit Funny Nation of India. Simple macha! We have stopped watching soap operas, now that our news channels provide more entertainment than non-news channels. However, when they do provide us with some news, we get to read some sensational articles such as the following:<br /></li></ul></span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">How Kasab went <a style="COLOR: rgb(51,51,255)" href="http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-08-03/mumbai/29845839_1_ajmal-kasab-arthur-road-jail-ramesh-dhamane" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">bananas </span></a>during Ramzan</span></li><br /><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">How Kasab could possibly opt for a ten-year insurance plan, since <a style="COLOR: rgb(51,51,255)" href="http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-02-22/india/28624885_1_ajmal-kasab-hc-verdict-mercy-petitions" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">the case would not go anywhere for another ten years</span></a></span></li><br /><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">How the miscreants responsible for the July 14, 2011 Bombay blasts <a style="COLOR: rgb(51,51,255)" href="http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-07-14/mumbai/29772732_1_ajmal-kasab-arthur-road-jail-blasts" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">wished Kasab a very Happy Birthday</span></a></span></li><br /><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Or how Kasab could possibly delay our infrastructure from getting <a style="COLOR: rgb(51,51,255)" href="http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-02-08/india/28149347_1_arthur-road-jail-mumbai-monorail-ajmal-kasab" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">any better</span></a></span></li></ol></div><span style="font-size:130%;">Now if this isn’t entertainment, then what the phock is?</span><br /><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">So, if you are <i>(still)</i> reading this, let me tell you that I have written this article with one goal in mind. To get you a little more angry. To tell you that please, do not sit down and be okay with our Government protecting the man who killed our brethren and treat him like some royalty. Be involved a little more, for this affects you directly. The terrorists are watching us. They see how we are a little shy of laying down the red carpet for them.<br /><br /></span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">If we don’t want to do anything with this, then the next time there is a bomb blast, please do not blame the Government. Because it thinks you are okay and you can ‘move on’.<br /><br /></span></div><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">It’s so many of us against them. If we raise the issue and the Government helps us, we can definitely make a difference.<br /></span></div><br /><div style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">Because the question is not really what is the Government doing about this. The question that we really should be asking, is this – do all of us, including the Government, care enough to try to do something about this.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-86114317611509190762011-08-30T03:35:00.000-07:002011-08-30T05:08:07.580-07:00What happens when bomb blasts strike any city in India<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It’s been, what, a month, since Bombay was targeted again with bombs.
<br />Bombay <span style="font-style: italic;">(Special note to Shiv Sena: I have used the taboo word ‘Bombay’. Boo)</span> being targeted time and again is not much of a surprise, since, well, it’s a city that is used to these kind of ‘interruptions in the daily routine’ every now and then.
<br />
<br />Anyhow, Ajmal Kasab, the sole ‘survivor’ from the blood battle that occurred on November 26, 2008, is still alive. And so are his best friends, who came by, planted the bombs on July 14, 2011, and possibly participated in the anti-corruption morchas in support of the Jan Lokpal Bill as well. So, well, bomb blasts mean nothing much to anyone in this country, expect of course, to those who are affected directly by it.
<br />
<br />Hence, while some of the terrorists get arrested and enjoy chicken biryani in jail while some others plot and plan about the next plan to unleash hell, here’s what happens in the rest of country on the day of the blast, and the day after the blast:
<br /></span></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Media reports about the blasts</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">People get panicky and start contacting family and friends to check if they are okay</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Some intelligent people post FB/Twitter updates about offering any help to ferry people from office to home or offer information about the nearest hospitals, blood banks, the like</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Most of us express sorrow for those affected in the blasts on the various social networking platforms</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And most of us also condemn the blasts, the terrorists and the apathetic Indian Government</span></span></li></ul><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">On the third day after the blasts, this is what happens:</span>
<br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The anger and furore displayed by the general public on social networking sites die down</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">People are now back to their routine lives, boldly facing whatever obstacle comes their way—bombs included—and are proud to display the ‘Bombay Spirit’ </span></span></li></ul><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A month after the blasts: Hardly any one even remembers that on this day, last month, a bomb blast tore apart a section of their city.
<br /></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Now don’t get me wrong; there are some people out there, trying to portray how ‘concerned’ our ‘system’ is about the terrorist situation. What irks me is that the very ‘system’ that is supposed to protect us, is trying to <a style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://www.mid-day.com/news/2011/may/190511-Tarakant-Dwivedi-alias-Akela.htm" target="_blank">shut them</a> up, for reasons that defy logic.
<br /></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And when the ‘system’ is not arresting people who uncover the truth, <a style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/tech/news/internet/PMO-relies-on-Hotmail/articleshow/9283845.cms#write" target="_blank">they are acting ridiculously stupid</a>, by issuing a ‘statement condemning the blasts’ from a Microsoft Corp Hotmail address.
<br /></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And then, there are some of us who, merely two days after the blast, <a style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Two-days-after-blasts-Mumbai-returns-to-movies/articleshow/9242578.cms" target="_blank">return to the movie halls to catch the latest release</a>.
<br /></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Quote from a TOI article: Said movie buff Harsh Thairani, "<span style="font-style: italic;">Blasts have now become routine with us Mumbaikars. Life moves on. Besides, I think the period after the blasts is the safest. The police are on alert; nothing untoward is going to happen."</span></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">
<br />I am trying really hard to not take pot-shots at anyone. Really trying. But it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to ignore the unrealism of the situation.
<br /></span>
<br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So here’s my conclusion. </span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">
<br /></span></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Nothing really affects us until it happens to us</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We are completely willing to let dirt be thrown into our eyes and believe that going back to our routine lives is the same as ‘moving on’</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And when we get into power and actually do manage to catch a criminal who bomb blasts the shit out of our cities, we waste huge amounts of money just to provide food, clothing, shelter AND protection for him</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And the rest of us complain about it, on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or blogs <span style="font-style: italic;">(like this one)</span></span></span></li></ul><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">PS: If you going to write a self-righteous comment, please, don’t even bother.</span></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-53285659993380066502011-04-25T02:35:00.000-07:002011-08-30T05:09:18.067-07:00Five things that every client wants<div style="text-align: justify; font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Anyone with a brain has, at some time in his or her life, stopped to think, “Why Am I Here?” or “What is My Purpose In Life?”<br /><br />I haven’t arrived at those moments yet. Perhaps it could be so, because I do not have a brain. But that is a story for another day.<br /><br />However, the even more baffling question that has plagued me and the rest of the world is this – <span style="font-weight: bold;">What The Hell Do Clients Want?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What? WHAT????</span><br /><br />After much deliberation, I have come up with a few plausible discoveries that could perhaps, in a trivial way, satisfactorily answer this question. Hence, according to me, these are few of the simple requirements they seek, and the origin of these humble requests:<br /></span></div><ol style="text-align: justify; font-family:trebuchet ms;"><li><span style="font-size:130%;">When the dinosaur was born and man saw the dinosaur, he was impressed with the beast’s size. That impression stayed on his mind, just like the tail bone stayed in the ass. This is the reason why clients demand everything DINOSAUR SIZE – Dinosaur Size Logos, Dinosaur Size Fonts, Dinosaur Size Images etc.<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">When some people dope and get high, they claim to see shades of new colours, the kind they have never seen before. Clients demand THOSE EXACT KIND OF SHADES in their web pages/ ads. They want the target audience to get an awesome high every time they see the website / ad; perhaps even lose consciousness once in a while out of sheer amazement. Now you know why most people look doped half the time!<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Most clients are ancestors of Karan Johar. Why, you ask? Well, because for the client, it’s all about loving your parents / family. So when they get some work from you, they want the opinion of every Tom, Dick and Harry they know since the day they were born, and they make sure that no one is left out. After all, sharing is caring.<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">Most of the clients started working the day they were born. As such, they never really had the chance to play indoors, much less outdoors. During school hours, they would moronically stare at the slide in the playground, wondering about its amazing technology, but never really having the time to actually partake in its fun. Now you know why they will not accept less than 80 slides in every Microsoft Office PowerPoint Presentation.<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;">“No man is an island.” Someone in the corporate world took this proverb quite literally and decided that if anything that needs to be done, should be done together. Hence clients love meetings; it doesn’t matter that everyone likes to think that they are lazing on ‘an island’, lulled to sleep by the soothing monotone of the informative presentation / topic; as long we have a meeting room and there are people are in it, the world will survive!<br /></span></li></ol><div style="text-align: justify; font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Now that you know what clients want, you can stay rest assured that your clients will be very happy with you as long as you ensure that all your work is produced in Dinosaur Sizes, sports a mess of many colours, where every feature is elaborated upon in a PowerPoint Slide, which is presented in a lengthy meeting.<br /><br />Now for those of you who love mathematics or just like feeling intelligent by seeing mathematical calculations, here’s a disturbing question:<br /><br />Clients = Do not know what they want<br />Female = Doesn’t know what she wants<br />Hence Female = Client<br />Hence Female Client =?<br /><br />Well, I am a woman. How am I supposed to know? :P<br /></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-30593320188098397872011-01-11T10:30:00.000-08:002011-01-12T21:13:29.600-08:00The best to NOT happen to mankind: Human Resources<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The job of a coal miner. So dangerous. Exhausting. Risk driven. Fatal even. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Obviously an HR person doesn’t think so.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Welcome to undeniably the most feared department of any organisation – The Human Resources Team. If ‘you’* do not tread carefully here, you will be minced into tiny shreds of unrecognisable flesh. <span style="font-style: italic;">*Here, ‘you’ is the gullible employee.</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Anyone worth his coffee has wondered, mostly on a daily basis, about the purpose of an HR department. The upper management on the other hand, of course, sips into premium blends of varied concoctions <span style="font-style: italic;">(very expensive water)</span>, hires an HR Team and never wonders about its whereabouts again <span style="font-style: italic;">(Unless they want to do something evil, in which case they call everyone for a meeting, which, in my opinion, is the third most evil weapon ever devised by mankind)</span>.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I really don’t need to dwell into how notoriously diligent an HR person is. What I would rather do is list down the occurrences that you will NEVER find in a HR department.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >1. An HR person doing work</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Remember how you had requested for your appraisal confirmation papers many many many years ago? And remember how you got married, gave birth to fifteen children, got them married off too, and yet, your appraisal papers have never graced your eyesight? </span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >2. An HR person caring about you</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Remember how the HR person told you that he is very sorry that you are not being recognised for your proactive efforts and commendable performance? Well you don’t remember any such thing, simply because it never happened.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >3. An HR person ensuring that you get a good promotion</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Remember how you got promoted? Yes, a good memory can be a bad thing.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >4. An HR person who really doesn’t care about timesheets</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I really don’t know how many hours have been clocked in which section and why. Which is why I opine that timesheets are the second most evil weapon to be invented by mankind. Of course we all lie about the hours, because no sane person can keep track. Unless he is an HR person. In which case, the following happens:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">You:</span> “Gee, I was working so hard, I just couldn’t keep track of the time.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">HR:</span> “This is a clear evidence of laxity in time management and disability to remember under pressure.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">You:</span> “What? It’s a trivial timesheet!”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">HR: </span>“Subject also shows signs of disrespect to uninformative excel sheets.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You:<span style="font-style: italic;"> *FML.*</span></span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >5. An HR person not paying attention to trivial matters such as dress code</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So you wore a bright orange tent-like shirt coupled with latex green coloured pants. Now here, sane people chose to ignore you as much as they can. An HR person, on the other hand, braves the possibility of losing eyesight owing to the bright glare from your attire. He instead goes a step further, calls you for a one-on-one meeting* and mentions exactly why your superior calibre and awe-inspiring leadership skills can totally be ignored in a performance review due to the colourful mess that you have adorned on your being. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >*One-on-one meeting in a room alone with HR person solely doing the talking tops the list in the ultimate torture to be unleashed on the unsuspecting.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >6. An HR person not ignoring your mails</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You receive mails about every unrelated-to-you news in the world such as the following:</span></span><br /></div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Happy birthday to our new joinee, Mumbo Jumbo. </span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mumbo Jumbo completes 3 days </span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mumbo Jumbo got married</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mumbo Jumbo now has quadruplets</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mumbo Jumbo grew new hair on his ears</span></span></li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Ok, so maybe I went overboard there. But remember how you sent a million mails to the HR department about an XYZ issue, which magically did a Matrix-like stunt in avoiding their attention? And yet, you regularly receive updates about Mumbo Jumbo and his experiences at office and random things growing out of his earlobes.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In my entire life <span style="font-style: italic;">(till date)</span>, I am yet to come across an HR person who actually does what he is recruited to do: <span style="font-style: italic;">make life simpler for the employees</span>. Not that I can boast of having come across many HR people, as I try all means to avoid any form of contact with anyone who works in this department. As it turns out, that would be a futile attempt for me, as the HR department excels in avoidance therapy as and when it suits them. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And this very avoidance therapy is what I am hoping will save my life if any HR person happens to read this post :P</span></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-18967283325243068712010-12-28T04:55:00.000-08:002011-01-12T18:53:02.422-08:00People we could do without in the New Year<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The New Year is approaching and everyone is preparing their lists of resolutions, which they plan to forget exactly two seconds before the clock strikes 12 am on 31st December.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I, on the other hand, am making a list of the people who excel in the art of <span style="font-style: italic;">‘infuriating someone to the end of his tether’</span>. Also known as <span style="font-style: italic;">‘royally pissing off’ </span>in fanciless English. These are the people whom I imagine running my car over - twice in reverse gear, for added effect. The good thing here is that I do not know how to drive. Thus, maximum damage is guaranteed.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 204);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Bikers riding on the sidewalk</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Sidewalks were built to provide additional safety to bikers who are scared of riding on the main road. What about us pedestrians you ask? Monkeys are our ancestors for a reason. We can simply climb from tree to tree. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">But wait. The sidewalk is where a tree was used to be. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">See now why bikers are number one on this list?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Jaywalkers looking at the opposite side when crossing the road</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Surely there must one idiotic, errant driver who opined that it must be fun driving from the opposite end of a one-way road. Must look out for these people! </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So what if the vehicles are coming toward him from the other end? The empty end is all that matters. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Attention seekers</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Attention seeker educating himself / herself: "</span>The world revolves around you. Your world also revolves around you. The solar system is going 360 degrees on your axis. Any rotation happening in the universe is around you.</span></span>"<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If the world exploded into bits, it’s because an attention seeker somewhere in the world broke a toenail. Trust me, the horror of this is unimaginable.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Everything that is, is because of an attention seeker. Don’t believe me? Look how in some remote, unrelated way, the likes of attention seekers influenced the likes of me to write the crap that is the post.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Double faced people</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It is kind of forgivable to find out that Sonia is actually Sunil. Hurts a lot to know that the girl you have always loved for 15 straight years and wanted to have babies with, is actually a boy and a closet cross-dresser. Hurts real bad, but forgivable.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What is not forgivable is being downright cunning and kind at the same time. Now this combination is freakishly scary.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Example</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Two-face:</span> You have such a bad cold. Here, wear my sweater.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gullible:</span> Oh, thank you so much!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Two-face: </span>Office boy, now lower the damn AC temperature to 12 degrees!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Gullible:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">(thinks)</span> WTF? (What the finger?)</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Do you thank two-face or punch him in the face<span style="font-style: italic;">(s)</span>?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">That, my friend, is why you should own a car and not learn driving. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Managers</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">These are the people you adore to bits. You cannot stop thinking about them and you discuss about them with everyone you know. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">They ignore you for most of your working life. The only two isolated situations during which they acknowledge you are when they are in trouble or when you are in trouble. Not surprisingly, the ratio of you being in trouble as to them being in trouble is 1000000:0</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Otherwise, they do not even look in your direction. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Human Resources Team</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Ah. My most favourite team in the world! What I wouldn’t do to display my undying love, adoration and loyalty to the single most underrated, underestimated, undervalued and underdog department of any organisation!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Ok. Seriously. Why else would they UNDERPERFORM all the time?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Well what do you know, turns out I do have a New Year resolution! <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />*Demolish people in above list*</span> :D<br /><br />And this resolution, I will not forget. x-D</span></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-27158298467711934262010-10-12T05:07:00.000-07:002010-10-12T05:44:39.266-07:00Mirror Mirror on the wall, who has the lowest self esteem of them all?<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Everyone is obsessed about the way they look, and everyone wants to look the best. As such, self esteem is the cheapest item you can find these days. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here’s how you can earn millions by creating delusions of low self esteem and tell the most beautiful person in the world about how they are, well, not beautiful. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> Wow, you have lovely eyes!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">So-called beauty not wearing makeup:</span> Why, thank you!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> If only you had worn this raccoon-like eyelash enhancing product. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">So-called beauty not wearing makeup:</span> What would I need that for?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter: </span>You have great eyes, mind you, but do curtains fly every time you flutter your eyelashes? </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">So-called beauty not wearing makeup:</span> Why should curtains fly?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> Because raccoon-like eyelash enhancing product gives you great eyelashes.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">So-called beauty not wearing makeup:</span> Oh! Give now!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">See? It’s <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">THAT </span>easy. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">People will buy anything that comes in the form of a fancy bottle, with a difficult-to-pronounce name, providing some outrageous miracles that will occur post usage. Now that I mentioned it, there happens to exist a exciting and budding career option in this field: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The Miracle Product Line Writer</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Job Description:</span> Write sophisticated lines, none of which are the truth, or even related to the product or the user.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Example: Gardener Shampoo and Conditioner</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"Concocted with special, exotic herbs, your hair will outshine the brightest diamond and redefine physics and geometry with the perfect way your hair straightens itself out <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">IMMEDIATELY </span>after you have towel dried it. It also gives you the liberty to have toe-length hair in one advertisement and ear-length hair in another!</span></span>"<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The perks in this field are high and rewarding, what with three miracle makers being born every second, in the harried attempt to improve every organ of your body, its good health notwithstanding.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Speaking of good health, <span style="font-style: italic;">(as much as I wish to avoid this particular topic)</span>, I am forced to bring to mind the illusion of being fat when actually one is pencil thin:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">62 kg woman (may be slightly overweight for her 5 inch 3 foot height):</span> Hi sweetheart!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">23 kg woman (is grossly underweight for her 5 inch 5 feet height): </span>Do not talk to me, I am fat!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">62 kg woman (may be slightly overweight for her 5 inch 3 foot height):</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">*FML*</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Every woman does obsess about her weight, true. But there is healthy obsession and then there is the illogical logic that makes me want to pull out every nail, dip it in my eye, then swallow the nail whole, washed down by the purest form of undiluted sulphuric acid. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here’s how you can tell a painfully thin person that she needs to lose weight, and <span style="font-weight: bold;">FAST</span>.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter: </span>Wow, what lovely legs you have!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stick-thin person:</span> Oh thank you!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter: </span>If only you could show them off in these ultra-slim, skin-fit, bone-hugging jeans!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stick-thin person: </span>Why not, here, let me try them!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">(Two hours later)</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stick-thin person:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">*Sob sob*</span>. These jeans do not fit me!!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter: </span>WHAT? The ultra-slim, skin-fit, bone-hugging jeans that was originally made for the frame of a 5-year old, do not FIT you?? The horror!! Stop drinking water girl! You have put on weight!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stick-thin person:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">(gasps)</span> I am fat!! I am doomed!! I am fat!!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Now thin people who think they are fat, can surely lose all their ‘<span style="font-style: italic;">fatness’</span>, which merely involves peeling off whatever little flesh is left on their bony frame. That way, they won’t be fat no more! But how does one solve the itching ugliness that is threatening to creep out of our darker-than-the darkest-hour skins? </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">HOW? </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Worry not, my gullible friend with no value for your own self esteem. The miracle makers have solved this problem too.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Got an upcoming pageant to participate in? Never mind that you have a perfect body, amazing features, a lovely personality and flawless skin. If you aren’t fairer than blinding light, then you stand no chance of landing any job other than scraping the dirt off your own impeccable nails.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Have been called to a hotshot company for a new job? The interview that you are attending requires you to be a fair, handsome, girl-like man. Preferably with pink lips. The MBA and PHD can rot in hell for all we care. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic;">The all-knowing, omnipotent fairness cream. Fulfils your dreams. Changes the way world looks at you</span>. Which is pretty much bound to happen, since your face is unusually fairer than the rest of your body.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Now cannot-be-seen-in-the-night sort of dark skinned people may have some logical use for the fairness cream. What makes me want to continue the aforementioned sulphuric acid fiasco and add some nitrous oxide to it is the fact that the <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">f</span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">air skinned</span> are the target audience for this segment. Stupid? Well not if you have low self esteem people around you.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> Oh my, aren’t you Miss Snow White reincarnate?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Snow White: </span>I <span style="font-weight: bold;">AM </span>Snow White.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Self-esteem hunter: Oh well, surely you cannot be <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE </span>Snow White!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Snow White:</span> WHAT? Why not?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> Look at those invisible blemishes! And those aging eyes! And the microscopic lines on your forehead! Surely you are not ignoring your own fading beauty Miss Snow White, are you now?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Snow White:</span> Fading beauty? I am 20 years old!!!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> And wouldn’t you like to stay twenty forever?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Miss Snow White:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">(hopefully)</span> CAN I??!!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Self-esteem hunter:</span> Why yes, dear!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">How can beauty be skin deep, when your skin is barely there, hidden under all those multi-layers of make-up and miracle creams?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Damned if I know.</span></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-62665415019251850282010-10-04T05:43:00.000-07:002010-10-12T05:45:27.970-07:00Mail Tales<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear Sir,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">As I am getting my kidney operated the following month, I would like to apply for the leave in advance. Please sanction my leave from June 17 to June 30. </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Kindly grant me the approval at the earliest.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Thanks and Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tanmay</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear Tanmay,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Our client from the USA is coming down next month to meet us. The date is not fixed yet. Unfortunately, your kidneys would have to hold on till then.</span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> Please take your medications and drink plenty of water. Maybe this would help?</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Best regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Re:</span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hi Sir,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am not in the position to postpone the operation. My kidneys are on the brink of collapse and an immediate operation is required.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Please consider the sensitivity of the situation and grant me the leaves.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tanmay</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re:</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hi Tanmay,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You must understand that for a client to come down from another country to our office is surely a big deal?! You should have informed me earlier that your kidneys were not in working condition.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao.</span></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re:</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Sir,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am sorry my kidneys failed to match upto your expectations. While my heart is worried that this may affect my appraisal, my kidneys surely cannot withstand the pressure. Please grant me my leaves.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I may die!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tanmay</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re:</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tanmay,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You have signed a contract of three years and are expected to fulfil every clause in it, one of which involves your presence during this entire period.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Also, since you are the project manager, you are expected to handle all client interactions.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Please request your kidneys to be a little cooperative.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao</span></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Later in the week.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear all,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">With deep regret, we inform you that the client couldn’t make it to the ‘have nothing else to do on a week day’ meeting today.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">However, the management picnic will not be postponed.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Please note that work continues as is for the rest of the team. </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao</span></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re:</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear Sir,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Request you to please sanction my leaves now that the meeting is postponed.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Regards,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tanmay</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Re:</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Re: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear Tanmay,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You have taken undue advantage of my leniency and patience. Please go on and take your leaves.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Note that they will be unpaid leaves.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Thanks.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao</span></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Much later in the week</span></span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" ></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Dear all,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Since Mr Rathod has arrogantly gone on an unpaid leave and left us in a lurch, we will have to further postpone the client’s ‘can we meet for effective time wastage’ meeting today.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">However, our management picnic, which was cancelled last week due to the worry over Tanmay’s absence, will be scheduled for the forthcoming weekend. We should not postpone fun because someone’s kidneys refuse to function for whatsoever reason.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">However, for the rest of you, work will continue as is, picnic notwithstanding.</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Cheers,</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Mr Rao</span></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-78236262930056355482010-09-20T10:58:00.000-07:002010-09-20T11:03:06.629-07:00Careers in Advertising: Defining the actual job descriptions<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Head of Agency:</span> Ability to treat all clients as long lost relatives.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Brand Manager: </span>Should be able to bullshit the client <span style="font-style: italic;">and </span>the team.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Client Servicing:</span> Must know how to say yes all the time.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Copywriter:</span> Should have the knack of saying no.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Art: </span>Should assume that no one understands them.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Client: </span>Must multi-task between assuming, refusing and confusing.</span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-71051191912512853032010-09-20T10:51:00.000-07:002010-09-20T11:02:23.176-07:00A day in advertising<span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Client:</span> I want three options delivered on this in half an hour.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Brand Manager:</span> It’s not possible, but we can try.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Client Servicing:</span> We have a brief. It’s just a 15-minute job.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Copywriter:</span> Tell the bitch I do not work here. So my opinion obviously doesn’t matter.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Art team:</span> This is against my artistic principles.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Client Servicing: </span>Everyone hates me.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Head of Agency:</span> Tell them to do it in one hour.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Brand Manager:</span> Half an hour is all you got.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Client Servicing:</span> The team is working on it.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Client:</span> I think I don’t want that copy anymore.<br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-41512648687075675242010-09-03T03:55:00.000-07:002010-10-18T01:10:47.384-07:00Love in the time of management<div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Scene in meeting:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Boss: </span>“We need to downgrade the bandwith to amplify our budget and augment individual productivity.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Foreign language translator person:</span> “We have to make do with snail speed internet connection.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Boss: </span>“I was talking about the length of the toilet tissues we will be using from Q4 onwards.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Foreign language translator person: </span>“AH.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It’s unbelievable how people from the management, manage to communicate at all. It’s like they don’t want you to understand what they are saying. Take for example PPT sessions. The PPT was of course, meant to clarify; now that is the ideal situation. In reality, PPTs are designed to confuse – they contain words that were invented before the dictionary was, with ambiguity deeper than the Black Hole. Notice how every new slide is accompanied with faster closing of eyelids and yawns with wider circumferences. But that of course, is me, in a meeting. Other PPT viewers look like they really are loving it, but in actuality, they are planning what to wear for Monday’s job interview.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So, this had me wondering; if and when management people, <span style="font-style: italic;">‘managed’</span> to take out the time to, you know, <span style="font-style: italic;">‘procreate in the name of emotion’</span>, which in simple human language means FCUK for the hell of it, then how do they communicate? I think their conversations may include the following:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When in the mood: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I think I need a raise</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When not in the mood:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> I don't think I have the bandwidth to touch base*</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When complimenting:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You have exceeded my expectations</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When reprimanding for being too fast or too slow: </span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is not professional behaviour</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When discussing ways to innovate:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Maybe I should work on improving my skill sets*</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When directing the other person through a ‘maneuver’:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The position has to be directly / inversely proportional to the upward swing of the graph</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When making silly jokes <span style="font-style: italic;">(after above dialogue)</span>:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What graph?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >And most important of all, when playing safe:</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Pull your socks up</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Now, try not to laugh the next time your manager uses one of the above phrases, or else you may get ‘fired’!</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-style: italic;">*Susanna Athaide's contribution</span></span></span><br /></div><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-52000430855422190122010-07-23T03:26:00.000-07:002010-07-23T04:39:28.260-07:00Let's talk.<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Conversations. Everyone loves conversations.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Especially if it’s about themselves.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You want to tell your friend about how you tripped the other day and almost broke your hip. However, even before you reach the part where you tripped, <span style="font-weight: bold;">BANG</span>! She will think of an incident, where, she too almost broke an organ. So what if it’s just a fingernail that broke? It’s <span style="font-weight: bold;">SOMETHING</span>! At this point, you are taken back to your memories of watching the American Pie movies, with Michelle and her “This one time, at band camp” instances which are more boring to hear than it is to hear an HR personnel speak about human kindness.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You never finish your conversation, but you know all about your friend’s broken nail and the exact measurement of ointment used to ensure a speedy growth too. You could probably write a thesis on it, which would be titled, “Nailing it. Not.”</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here is an example:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> So, today I embarrassed myself in front of my boss</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> Wow, what happened?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Well, my boss sends me a mail which I had to reply to, and I punched in the wrong email id, hence mailed a non-existing id and....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> I know!! That happened to me too! I mean it was just so weird you know!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Wait, I didn’t...</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>So what happens is, I am mailing this funny mail to my friend at work...and it gets forwarded to the boss! Like what are the odds of that happening?!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Er....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>I know!!! Anyway, so this boss calls me in, and guess what? <span style="font-style: italic;">(doesn’t allow other person time to guess) </span>She <span style="font-weight: bold;">LOVED </span>the mail!!! Isn’t that the coolest thing ever! I thought I was so getting fired today!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> But....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>I know!!!! She even told me to include her in my mailing list next time onwards! I hope this gets me promoted!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>You don’t.....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> I know!!!!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And some other times, the Conversation Stealers talk about things that are not even related to the topic at large, small or whatever.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here’s an example:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Hey, so I was walking my dog and this weird looking thing bit him and now he is unwell</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> What bit him?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Looked like a bug....don’t know...I think....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>Must have been a shark bug</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Huh?</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>Dude, did you see the way those sharks bit Joe in that movie? So I was seeing this awesome movie on cable that day.....is called ‘Shark or What!’ Is a funny movie...and has this scene where this shark bites the main character named Joe and it gives him this ugly scar! And you know what he goes around telling people? That he fought a lion! I mean is that funny or what?!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> I....</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> No! It’s Shark or What!! HAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Someday. These people will be &^%$#^&*@!%^$%$^#@^&$#@. Someday.</span></span><br /><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-16314900480192381102010-07-21T05:03:00.000-07:002010-07-25T23:07:06.561-07:00When boredom strikes<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Have you ever noticed that most of the things we do during our sessions of boredom are activities of pure genius?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here’s a list.</span><br /><br /></span><ul style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Making funny faces:</span> There is a potential stand up comedian / clown hiding in each of us<br /><br /></span> </li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Inventing new games:</span> You think Twister was invented when someone saw coloured dots after he fell down the stairs? I hope not<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Writing comics: </span>As much as all our famous cartoonists would probably deny, all their creations have stemmed out of sheer, extreme boredom<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Practising scenes from movies: </span>What other valid reason for theatre anyway!<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Staring at a fly on the wall:</span> The fly population owes boredom one<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Shadow talking: </span>If only they could talk back to us. (Source of inspiration for most horror films)<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thinking up ways of Armageddon and how we will save the world:</span> (Steven Spielberg and James Cameron were at the moment-to-kill-self-due-to-boredom before their phenomenal movie scripts took birth)<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The way we would die:</span> (<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">EVERYONE</span> has outplayed this scene in their imagination, for countless number of times. Movie Directors are lucky to get other people act it out for them)<br /><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">This blog:</span> (What! Why are you reading this then? Cos you’re bored? Refer to Line 1 :P)</span></li></ul><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-88549460574035059342010-06-14T00:32:00.000-07:002010-07-23T04:39:28.260-07:00All dressed up and nowhere to go<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hot summer days. Hotter summer nights. Chilly winters. Mayhem-filled monsoons. Indian weather is as unpredictable as the Indian Weather Board is. Every weather season hits us with one question: ‘Can you survive this?’ And no, we cannot, but we try our best, through our seasonal clothes, optional make up, terrain specific shoes etc etc etc. But this is how the normal Indian functions.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Now, our telly soap star actresses, they belong to an entirely different league. They hail from another planet, where the extremity of the weather doesn’t seem to affect them, where sweating is perhaps an abnormality rarely (if at all) visible and where a person’s attire is not in any way related to the weather, the situation or the television serial itself.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So. </span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here is a crash course on how one can become the Ultimate Indian Television Soap Queen:</span></span><br /></div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Wear make-up. Don’t stop.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Wear colourful sarees. With bright motifs and big diamonds. Ask someone to comment on your saree. If they cannot comment due to lack of sight on witnessing your attire, you have draped the right cloth around your lithesome body. Oh, and yes, wear these at home. Going for a party to some fancy hotel? Just top the garishness of what you are already wearing.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Wear jewellery. <span style="font-weight: bold;">All of it</span>. Make sure no body part goes without a decoration.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Wear shoes that defy the texture of every terrain.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Change clothes every time the camera moves away from you. Try to top the garishness of every outfit you adorn. It isn’t difficult. Aliens keep donating their discarded skins to the production units every time.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Go to bed with the outfit you last wore when the camera swayed twenty times around you. Let the make-up stay. Apply some more just to ensure it stays. Wake up looking like you never went to bed at all, where an invisible iron ensured that the creases stayed out of your garments, and where your hair bears the did-not-let-the-air-touch-my-hair look.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Exaggerate every emotion. Mosquito died? Let the tear ducts flow. Dam vessel not making the beloved clinking sound? Murder your mother-in-law’s sister’s husband’s father’s niece’s sister-in-law for the heinous crime of not washing vessels as advised.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Plot. Your husband’s family welcomed you, but there is this one evil lady / man in the family who just hates the way your eyelashes curl. Can also not stand the shadow it throws on the bridge of your nose. So both of you begin the game of plotting, where you plot to stay out of all plots, while the evil lady / man just plots to ensure that you are in the middle of every plot.<br /><br /></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So they made you the vamp huh? Easy. To look like a vamp, just increase the occurrence of things mentioned above, to say, 40 times more. For eg: If the nice lady wears only 10 layers of make-up (Indians love the natural look), you just have to put on 40 more layers (We really love the natural look). Ensure that your eyes have some really charming make up that prompts us to think that you are a cross breed between an ugly doe and a hideous snake. Do not forget to adorn gravity, sensibility and length defying jewellery and <span style="font-style: italic;">bindis</span>. About the acting, well...wait, <span style="font-style: italic;">acting</span>? My bad. Just pretend that you were constipated since you were born. Rest should come naturally to you. </span></span></li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It doesn’t take a lot to star in Indian serials. Our soap stars have the ability to make Osama Bin Laden come out of his hiding place and yell, “Enough of the terror! I give myself up!” The only reason why anyone has not tried this yet is because, well, we really are not <span style="font-weight: bold;">THAT </span>merciless now, are we?</span></span><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-65841151486638847392010-04-21T02:57:00.000-07:002010-07-23T04:39:28.261-07:00In a FOUL mood<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">There has been much debate on the world’s foulest word. The F word doesn’t really mean anything. For a word that applies to countless situations, the F word has lost its significance. Soon, babies will enter the world, saying “Who the f*** switched on the light?”, and the doctors will nod in agreement about how healthy this baby is.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hence.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What could be the foulest word then? For a word to qualify as the world’s foulest word, it has to generate ample satisfaction and sadistic pleasure in the person using the foul word and the desire to crawl and die for the victim of the foul word. The word also needs to be applicable to one situation: that the person is absolutely pointless and is the biggest scum of the earth. When you wish to convey this powerful message, only one word comes to my mind: You <span style="font-weight: bold;">MANAGER!!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Ouch. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">While reading this, some of my readers out there may have already said, “What rubbish”, while some may have used the foul word for me too. This should bother me, of course. But there are people, and then there are managers. And there is no possible reconciliation for that. <span style="font-style: italic;">(If you said <span style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT RUBBISH</span>, you know who you are:-P)</span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Below are two situations where you may need to call upon the powers of this word. These are hypothetical situations. <span style="font-style: italic;">(Yeah right).</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Bitch! I waited you for <span style="font-weight: bold;">FOUR LONG </span>hours in the bloody park!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> I was getting my hair done. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Yah, and I was asking the ants to pedicure me to death!!!!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B: </span>Who?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> I am so <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOT </span>waiting for you next time.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> Would you rather see me in a weird hairdo!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Hahahahaha….am I not <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOW</span>???</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> You non-appreciating imbecile!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> you <span style="font-weight: bold;">MANAGER</span>!!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >And another one.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Did you clean the attic?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> Do I know you?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A:</span> Clean the attic</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> Give me a good reason why I should waste my time doing something <span style="font-weight: bold;">YOU </span>think is important.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">A: </span>Because I have knives that I cut vegetables with.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">B:</span> (silence) you <span style="font-weight: bold;">MANAGER</span>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If you have used my patent bad word <span style="font-weight: bold;">RIGHT NOW, </span>you owe me some amount of money. And try not to insult me with a ‘<span style="font-weight: bold;">YOU MANAGER</span>’, as you finish reading this. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We all are <span style="font-weight: bold;">MANAGERS </span>at some point in our lives after all :P</span><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-819081125083526092010-02-19T23:46:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:40:42.157-07:00Karthik calling Karthik<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >The much awaited movie, Karthik calling Karthik, is generating its fair share of publicity. So I decided to join the bandwagon and contribute – <strong>for free,</strong> mind you. Farhan darling, you owe me one. </span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >So I am speculating. What could this movie be about? Here’s what I think. Karthik (Farhan) is wooing Lambi (my assumed name for Deepika) and they like each other and all that jazz. </span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Moving on to the main plot:</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Lambi and her miniature genius are having a whale of time. However, as all famous couples of Bollywood movies, they come across a major hurdle that threatens the very core of their rock solid relationship <em>(yeh Fevicol ka jod nahi hai?! Saala duplicate maal!)</em>. Things happen, people die, a bridge collapses somewhere in the world and Lambi announces that she is bored of her hair now and cannot tolerate Farhan’s good hair days anymore. <em>(Adhuna Akhtar, you’re so sacked)</em> People do get bored you know. Farhan pretends to not notice and continues singing songs while Lambi fumes in a corner. The movie is pretty boring until <strong>THE CALL</strong>.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Conversation</strong></span><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong></strong></span><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Hi, is this Karthik?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> Yeah, this is Karthik, who’s this?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Yeah, this is Karthik.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> Yeah, this is Karthik, who’s this?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Yeah, this is Karthik.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> I just told you, this is Karthik. Who the hell are you man?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Dude, this is Karthik. What’s wrong with YOU man?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> Why you little prick….</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Dude, its Karthik.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> YEAH. THIS IS KARTHIK!!!!! WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?????</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> THIS IS KARTHIK!!!!!</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> Dude, just stop repeating what I say or I will cut your….</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> THIS IS KARTHIK!!!!!</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> YEAH THIS IS KARTHIK!!!! JUST WHO THE #*^% are you?????????</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Karthik!!!!!</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> WHAT!!!!?????</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> <strong>WHAT</strong> what?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> <strong>YOU</strong> piece of….<em>(Suddenly there is a cross connection…and both idiots hear Lambi giggling on the phone)</em></span><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><em></em></span><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> What the fu…</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> SHHH!!! This is my girl's voice. Listen to what she is saying….</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Lambi:</strong> Can you believe it sweetheart? Those dimwits are not getting beyond their own name….so damn funny….<strong>I KNOW!!!!</strong> Khee kheee kheee giggle giggle….<em>(silence)</em>….oooooh yes let’s do that baby….meet me in an hour…..yeah Tanya I will be on time….muahhhssssss <em>(air kissing sounds)</em></span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Lambi’s line goes dead.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Silence.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Karthik?</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Karthik:</strong> Don’t start that shit again……</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>Caller:</strong> Dude, my girl’s name is Tanya.</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><strong>BOTH:</strong> SON OF A BITCH!!!!!</span><br /><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >I am <strong>SO</strong> waiting to see whose version is better :D</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-35521943455443261842010-02-17T11:31:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:40:42.157-07:00My name is Khan. I am not a terrorist. (Killing people with my boring movie doesn’t count)<p align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Herd mentality can be a bad thing. You have a nagging doubt about going ahead with what the majority seems to recommend, but instead of voicing out and vehemently protesting the atrocities of having to subject to another individual’s opinion, you gulp down your insecurities and hope for the best. This is when things like My Name is Khan happen.<br /><br />After proudly announcing to the world that I would not, under any circumstances, watch this movie even for free, I took the bait and paid a precious 180 bucks for this sob fest. Had I known about the ordeal I was about to go through in the next four hours (K-Jo wtf?! <strong>FOUR HOURS</strong>?!), I would have happily switched to drinking sulphuric acid from a cocktail glass while smoking up on poisonous fumes instead.</span></p><p align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >I am not going to write about the story and the director’s vile attempts to make me gouge my eyes out after every five seconds. I will, instead, write about a few observations in the movie, the glaring flaws and of course, the weather, as and when I get bored. Which is a strong possibility considering what I am writing about.</span></p><ul><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >I do not know whether Shah Rukh Khan was acting or was just being his normal self in the movie<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >A thirteen year old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome pumps gallons of clogged water by cycling away for many tireless hours and no one even thanks him. Unless you count bragging about the boy being one’s student as appreciation<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Is it just me or does Shah Rukh Khan look more blind than unfocussed?<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Coherent speech be damned, our hero does his imaginary singing in perfect clarity as and when the situation demands it<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Kajol meets Shah Rukh for the first time as she went about rescuing him from the crowd that had alighted from a bus, as they were pissed with Shah Rukh for standing in the middle of the road. Kajol then goes on to lecture Shah Rukh on the philosophy of fear. In the middle of the road. Note the absence of the crowd<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Kajol’s heart wrenching trust in just-met-guy-on-road-a-month-ago. “Please take my son to the museum. I do not care if you have Asperger’s Syndrome and certainly have no regard for your dislike of crowded places</span>.<span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >”</span><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" ><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Kajol – “Oh, you have Asperger’s Syndrome AND are jobless! My faith in love is restored! My son will finally have a father! So what if it means a whole lot of adjusting for you. This movie is not about Asperger’s Syndrome anyway.”<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Shah Rukh, with such touching innocence, emphasises to pronounce Khan, his surname, in a way similar to the process of trying to get some phlegm out of your throat<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Note how boy and wife call father and husband, not ‘Dad’ or ‘Rizwan’, but ‘Khhhhhh-hhhhh—hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-----hhhhhhhhhhhh---an’<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Indian boy is killed in broad daylight, in awesomely big soccer field, and not a single soul notices this. The pleasures of murdering in a big school! <em>*Must execute all my enemies here*</em><br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Kajol doesn’t apply make-up when she is accusing her husband of being a Khan, but remembers to put some on when she goes around making people aware of the case of her murdered son <em>*sniff*</em><br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Shah Rukh goes backpacking through America without so much as a steady job in place, donates all his money to a fundraiser and STILL manages to travel without a hitch. Oh, and please take special note of ‘I am constantly travelling and am almost broke, but I still look bath fresh’<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Where there is water, Shah Rukh will cycle - (scene of floods caused by Hurricane Katrina). BMC team, here is your long awaited candidate<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Inspite of being afflicted with Asperger’s, our protagonist seems to know the A-Z of organisation when repairing a falling church (Superman, eat this!)<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >News shows anchored at BBC / PBC are aired in Hindi or Hinglish. Indians, be ashamed. People of another nationality, who do not understand the language, are willing to tune into shows where our Indian correspondents will talk in Hinglish. Maybe they really dig the English parts<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Indian correspondent is scared of turban attracting violence in post 9/11 America, but retains beard. Is also fair-skinned, so the beard literally stands out. Is hoping that prospective attackers will ignore his reputation as a reporter, his fancy clothes and watch, and assume that he is too poor to have a shave<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >Barkha Dutt (which I keep mistyping as Bra-kha for some hilarious reason). I am not sure what the lady is doing here<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >While the US government lacks apathy, Indians come to the rescue of the people stuck in flooded church. Of course, it doesn’t matter that an actual rescue team is missing. Main hoon na!<br /><br /></span></div></li><li><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span style="font-size:130%;">President Obama look-a-like wannabe. (goes into laughter fit). He is the REAL hero. He gives a rat’s ass to all security protocols of the USA and allows the barricades holding a surprisingly behaving crowd to be opened, so that our hero can come through <em>*standing ovation*</em></span></span></div></li></ul><p align="justify"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >I watched this movie with a friend who has sworn me to secrecy for fear of being socially rejected. I don’t care about social rejection anyway. After watching My Name is Khan, you pretty much stop caring at all.</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-78055878160243076492010-02-02T23:43:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:41:36.131-07:00One-liner truths<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">In all fairness is an insult for the dark-skinned</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">This meeting room is good for my sleep cycles</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Look! A good manager!!! Hahahahaa! Gotcha!</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">I don’t participate during a meeting? Who is doing all the yawning?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">My feelings are no match to your lack of ability to feel anything</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Suppose you die.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">The boss is angry with me. Maybe it was the 24-page long report that he requested for. Last year.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">See? I <span style="font-weight: bold;">TOLD </span>you he would sell your report to the ‘save-paper-for-chanawallas’ foundation</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-8995741517343855512009-12-28T22:29:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:41:36.132-07:00In Corporate Limbo<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: trebuchet ms;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CKairaus3%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I:</span> I sent you the mail you requested for.</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They: </span>What is it about?</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I:</span> You are kidding me right? Right?</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They: </span>Should I colour my toenail ghastly red or lovely pink?</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">(descends into gradual insanity)</span></span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They:</span> Perhaps you could turn the light tube a bit toward my direction? That should help me decide</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">(should I bring a mini blow dryer to dry your nails)</span> The mail?</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They:</span> Oh yes.</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">Brief silence. For 30 minutes</span></p><p style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They: </span><span style="font-style: italic;">(looks up) </span>Oh, I decided. Lovely Pink it is.</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I: </span><span style="font-style: italic;">(removes gun) </span>Do you want to shoot me?</span></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal" ><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">They: </span>Let my nails dry first</span></p> <div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-62284344547289500452009-12-07T07:04:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:39:28.262-07:00The Engagement of Sushant and Anita (Gulp)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0uwbtKFS9ZwV93h2MTEBj9mrf2XD0_8lyADc8RxP4SWVp2W-HfefRyNx9QSI2bmssnCpDUQ7Hl68lLogv6F8-HXbM7pXN_9UWko0aXUCUZkGa-W6iuqSs7DkrCKfyflzZq1kdQYflxZs/s1600-h/image001.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412513391065810562" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 169px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 163px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0uwbtKFS9ZwV93h2MTEBj9mrf2XD0_8lyADc8RxP4SWVp2W-HfefRyNx9QSI2bmssnCpDUQ7Hl68lLogv6F8-HXbM7pXN_9UWko0aXUCUZkGa-W6iuqSs7DkrCKfyflzZq1kdQYflxZs/s320/image001.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Girl: So! We are getting engaged!<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp) Yes.<br /><br />Girl: What’s that?<br /><br />Boy: (small gulp) What?<br /><br />Girl: You gulped. Why?<br /><br />Boy: I gulp when I’m happy.<br /><br />Girl: You didn’t gulp when I chose the ring that you bought for the engagement.<br /><br />Boy: I was too happy to gulp (Gulp)<br /><br />Girl: You seem to gulp at the wrong moments.<br /><br />Boy: You can say that.<br /><br />Girl: I wish you had chosen a ring as pretty as mine.<br /><br />Boy: I like simple rings (gulp)<br /><br />Girl: Simple rings make you happy?<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp)<br /><br />Girl: Oh I can’t wait for the engagement day!<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp)<br /><br />Girl: We will be starting a new bond, a new life!<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp) (Gulp)<br /><br />Girl: Forever!!! And ever!!!<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp) (Gulp) (Gulp)<br /><br />Girl: Just how happy are you right now?????????<br /><br />Boy: (Gulp)</span></div><br /><p></p><br /><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-65026750059047520182009-11-21T09:38:00.001-08:002010-07-23T04:39:28.263-07:00Fatness is a state of the fat mind.<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">There are fat people. And then there’s us. We aren’t fat by BMI standards. But, if you look at us, you wouldn’t say, “Wish I had a body like that.” In addition, the chance of the likes of us being noticed by anyone is not even a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. In fact, the blue moon may just not come out that one time it does, if it happens to lay its eyes on us.<br /><br />So we are fat.<br /><br />We invented a few terms – jelly, dump of a lump, lump of dough / jellyfish, pregnant-yet-without-child etc. We are not exactly proud of this. Perhaps Urban Dictionary likes us for being the two-hundred millionth word on their database. That’s an achievement for us. We find solace in negative things. Are compelled to.<br /><br />And we are fat.<br /><br />We feel fat. And the feeling translates into believable reality. Of course, if we feel thin, it doesn’t work that way. (Wonders why). Clothes hate us. But we try to maintain a platonic relationship with them. Also, the camera doesn’t add ten pounds to us. There isn’t any further scope for that. And oh, gravity hates us too. (Einstein, our sincere apologies).<br /><br />Fat.<br /><br />But we look at the world from a larger perspective. (Maybe it’s the fat eyes). And that’s where, we see the bigger picture. Pun intended? Perhaps.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-530319195415049491.post-30670087753405878102009-11-21T08:44:00.000-08:002010-07-23T04:39:28.263-07:00The Nokia N73<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;">Is this what computers have become? The N-Series by Nokia poses this question to the new-generation customer, signifying that technology (more so, Nokia) has come of age, and how! If global warming doesn’t get the better of us, it won’t be too long before the humble cell phone in our palms replaces the computer entirely.<br /><br />I was gifted the N73 for my birthday, on October 29, 2007. I couldn’t have asked for a better gift. After using a very simple phone—one with a black and white display and pixelated images to pass for graphics—the Nokia N73 was an entire new experience for me. The first feature that gripped my attention was the large display screen. The Nokia N73 has one of the biggest screens in its league – 2.4 inches of screen space (240x320 pixels to be precise). Once I had managed to look past the width of the screen, the sleek design of the phone came into my view. The 116 gm model may seem bigger than most phones in size, but is actually light to hold and fits comfortably into my palm or pocket. The shiny black surface, accentuated with the neo-blue light of the keypad, only intensified my growing affection for this model. And, I had yet to explore the plethora of features embedded in this phone. Such is the magic of the Nokia N73. Its exterior design so captivates you that you can’t help but spend a minimum of fifteen minutes to simply gawk at the phone in sheer admiration.<br /><br />I then sat myself down to browse through the many features of this phone. Good old Nokia, never too confusing to navigate through, no matter how complex the model. Although the N73 is a complete upgrade for me as compared to the nature of phones I used earlier, the Nokia N73 posed no difficulty in understanding its user interface. The first feature that I sampled upon was the sound functionality of the phone. My phone is a music edition, specially built to produce the finest quality of sound possible in a mobile phone. I was exhilarated with the supreme quality of sound of the N73; crystal clear, crisp, bass-based music, with a complete blocking off of all other sounds in the background. Somehow, the radio sounds better on the N73 than it does on other phones. The set of Bose headphones that comes with the phone, is as sleek as the phone itself, and performs even better in terms of sound quality. Another plus point of this phone is that it supports most of the file formats such as MP3, AAC and WMA to name a few. In short, the music edition of the N73 provides a musical extravaganza that is nothing short of sheer bliss for a self-confessed music fanatic like me.<br /><br />The third feature that I may never stop raving about is the camera. The model has a 3.2 mega pixel Carl Zeiss lens camera, producing a picture quality that is so fine, it almost could pass for a photo taken from a regular camera. The lens is protected by a sturdy cover, which when flipped back, will get the phone into the camera mode. The camera will produce good images even in poor light conditions. A little button next to the shutter button allows you to directly access the photo gallery, and get back to clicking mode. So, I can click a picture, go to the gallery without getting out of the camera mode, view any image, and get right back to clicking pictures. Saves so much time and is so much more convenient. The model also has a VGA camera, which pales in comparison to the main camera. But it’s the main camera that allows no disappointment to set in the modest picture quality of the VGA camera. In addition to this, the phone allows you to organise your pictures as you please, with a host of intuitive and creative options to choose from, akin to an online album. The most appealing feature in this arena is the slide show option of images. It is like viewing a PPT! Very neat transitions of slides, with a song of your choice playing in the background.<br /><br />An inbuilt memory of 42 MB with an extendable memory of 2 GB is just about enough to store at least 200 images and 100 songs as well, not to mention every message that you may have received from day one! On board are Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Adobe Reader softwares as well as the PC suite enabled Outlook synchronisation. The usual features such as Bluetooth and Infra red are present as also are the SMS and MMS functions, voice recorder, unit converter, GPRS and games.<br /><br />The Nokia N73 is worth every penny it costs. A wonderful phone that encapsulates a multitude of features, which, after almost two years of owning the phone, I still have to explore! I am still in the stages of enjoying the music and the photography. More is yet to come!</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">http://feeds.feedburner.com/ blogspot/AnitaRane</div>Anitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04666597184713273489noreply@blogger.com0