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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

People we could do without in the New Year

The New Year is approaching and everyone is preparing their lists of resolutions, which they plan to forget exactly two seconds before the clock strikes 12 am on 31st December.

I, on the other hand, am making a list of the people who excel in the art of ‘infuriating someone to the end of his tether’. Also known as ‘royally pissing off’ in fanciless English. These are the people whom I imagine running my car over - twice in reverse gear, for added effect. The good thing here is that I do not know how to drive. Thus, maximum damage is guaranteed.

Bikers riding on the sidewalk

Sidewalks were built to provide additional safety to bikers who are scared of riding on the main road. What about us pedestrians you ask? Monkeys are our ancestors for a reason. We can simply climb from tree to tree.

But wait. The sidewalk is where a tree was used to be.

See now why bikers are number one on this list?

Jaywalkers looking at the opposite side when crossing the road

Surely there must one idiotic, errant driver who opined that it must be fun driving from the opposite end of a one-way road. Must look out for these people!

So what if the vehicles are coming toward him from the other end? The empty end is all that matters.

Attention seekers

Attention seeker educating himself / herself: "The world revolves around you. Your world also revolves around you. The solar system is going 360 degrees on your axis. Any rotation happening in the universe is around you."

If the world exploded into bits, it’s because an attention seeker somewhere in the world broke a toenail. Trust me, the horror of this is unimaginable.

Everything that is, is because of an attention seeker. Don’t believe me? Look how in some remote, unrelated way, the likes of attention seekers influenced the likes of me to write the crap that is the post.

Double faced people

It is kind of forgivable to find out that Sonia is actually Sunil. Hurts a lot to know that the girl you have always loved for 15 straight years and wanted to have babies with, is actually a boy and a closet cross-dresser. Hurts real bad, but forgivable.

What is not forgivable is being downright cunning and kind at the same time. Now this combination is freakishly scary.


Two-face: You have such a bad cold. Here, wear my sweater.

Gullible: Oh, thank you so much!

Two-face: Office boy, now lower the damn AC temperature to 12 degrees!

Gullible: (thinks) WTF? (What the finger?)

Do you thank two-face or punch him in the face(s)?

That, my friend, is why you should own a car and not learn driving.


These are the people you adore to bits. You cannot stop thinking about them and you discuss about them with everyone you know.

They ignore you for most of your working life. The only two isolated situations during which they acknowledge you are when they are in trouble or when you are in trouble. Not surprisingly, the ratio of you being in trouble as to them being in trouble is 1000000:0

Otherwise, they do not even look in your direction.

The Human Resources Team

Ah. My most favourite team in the world! What I wouldn’t do to display my undying love, adoration and loyalty to the single most underrated, underestimated, undervalued and underdog department of any organisation!

Ok. Seriously. Why else would they UNDERPERFORM all the time?

Well what do you know, turns out I do have a New Year resolution!

*Demolish people in above list*

And this resolution, I will not forget. x-D


Mugdha said...

Too good... so true... i specially love the attention seekers part!

Rahul said...

Human Resources - Create tacky HR policies so that your employee will always be in touch for some or the other ISSUES...