Translating corporate lingo

You must try to adjust to the situation.
Stop acting like a whiny bitch and get the work rolling.

We have to do something about this.

You’re fucked.

Can you tell me the status of the task?

Get it done already, you slow retard!

We should discuss this in a meeting.

Let’s waste some more time in solving your petty issues.

I need to have a word with you.

Where’s my gun?

I’ll have a look at that.

I don’t even want to have a fleeting glimpse of that.

Yeah sure.

No.

Do you have a minute?

I want all your waking and sleeping hours dedicated to me.

Is she coming to office?

Her ass better be on its way to the office now!

How may I be of help?

Can you do anything without anyone’s help?

We have to meet the deadline

You have to meet the deadline. I have to lounge around in the bar down the street.

Yeah sure, I understand.

Seriously, where’s my gun?

Is there a problem?
Have you screwed up again?

I was looking for you.
I wasted my time searching for your scrawny ass.

What?
What the fuck?!